swine flu – excuse me while I fail to be frightened.

“90 people die of swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDs and no one wants to wear a condom.”

Seriously. I can’t pretend that this media panic scares me. We forgot all about the pigs when it turned out one of our MPs had a “duck island” – which I personally think is hilarious, and I hope it was directly linked to the “moat cleaning” chappie – that’s one helluva surrealist painting, is it not? – and nobody cared about swine flu. And of course, now it’s back, The Daily Mail sticks to the hardhitting headlines we all know and love, with the front page story: Britney goes to Maccy D’s in pink hotpants. Target audience, consider yourself targetted.

What I want to know, is what happened to all the ducks? Presumably they’re all on Duck Island, in a Dawn-of-the-Dead-esque last stand approach where they can escape infection of BIRD FLU. Did they not read The Masque of the Red Death – it quite clearly states that this technique doesn’t work. It didn’t work for rich people during the various plagues in Medieval England, the most famous being The Black Death, and it won’t work for quacklings. Regardless, I respect their co-ordination.

It is the same nonsense we always get from newspapers. To summarise every headline: AAAARRGH! (This includes Britney’s wardrobe choices). It’s just attention grabbing. We don’t have to buy what they are selling. Scientists are already working on swine flu vaccines and cures for Autumn, when – if ever – swine flu would actually reach “pandemic” levels.

Yes, there were 110 cases confirmed today. But seriously. Put this in perspective. It is a serious disease – just like any other. So take it seriously. But don’t just turn into a headless chicken retard over the whole affair – in fact, get your facts and you’ll find it harder to be a total div. More lives were claimed today by car accidents, and there’s no way you’d give up your car. There’s no reason to be so ridiculously panicked by the whole thing.

Also note in the links; If you’re going to read a newspaper, for the love of whatever you chose to believe in read VARIOUS newspapers. The more sources, the more balanced your opinion. This is called “Not blindly following what one group has to say.” For other examples of being too stupid to consider other people’s points of view, please see fundamentalist religions – putting the ‘mental’ back into fundamental.